“Everybody's like everybody else, and everybody's different from everybody else.” – Harvey Pekar, Born Oct. 8, 1939.
As a professional person expert, I can tell you that the second part of that quote is what people believe is true about themselves.
“I am unique. I am special. I am different. I stand apart.”
And note, that can be for the positive or negative. People who hate themselves feel they are somehow uniquely undesirable.
And the first part of that quote is what they want to believe is true about everyone else.
“They're all the same. They don't get me. None of them understand. They're all sheep.” Etc.
And this pair of beliefs is one of the things that makes it easy to create instant rapport and influence people.
Because the truth is that on the inside, emotionally, we are all the same. Same anxieties, fears, worries, self-doubts.
But because we all feel special and unique, we never talk about those feelings with each other. Especially not with the people we like being around.
So you end up operating under the delusion that you suffer a unique set of emotions. Everyone else is just getting by and never feels this way.
That's where you and I come in. We know that feel. We express it. We show that we relate to it. We admit to it. We confess it to them. We confide in them.
And they feel like they have instantly met a soul-mate – not of love, but of secret internal human experience. They feel like you understand them. You get them. No the superficial mask, but the real emotional self that they are when they are alone, on the inside.
You know them better than anyone in their lives… Primarily because they don't open up, but that's to our advantage.
They make this presumption that we share a deep experiential connection that ONLY two people like us can share. It's special. It's an important bond.
And it becomes almost a self fulfilling prophecy that since you understand them, they should comply with what you suggest they do. You know them well, and so your recommendations feel custom and precise.
But that's the illusion. This trick works on everyone. Absolutely everyone. Using the exact same emotional hooks and the exact same suggestions. It feels unique. It feels different…
But we are all alike.
Not you, though. You're special.
Want to know some universal “secret” emotions that you can use to instantly connect to people and create rapport and a feeling that you care and understand? Of course you do – so here are a few:
1. Loneliness. A lot of passionate pursuits are solitary. The kind of thing people go seeking an outlet for online – that indicates it’s not something they share with people around them as much as they would like. They crave connection.
2. Self-doubt. In any pursuit where there is a need to gain skill and take risks, prospects will never be fully confident in their own ability. There will always be a nagging feeling of being inadequate, doomed to failure and humiliation. They crave encouragement.
3. Uncertainty and confusion. Either they can’t find what they need to get to where they want to be, or else the possibilities are so numerous, they simply can’t make up their mind and get started. It stagnates them. They crave informed recommendations.
There are many more, but speak to these in your content and offers, and watch people resonate and respond with commitment and certainty (which they are borrowing from your words).